Autumn Walk

Walking has long been my favorite pastime.  It seems to be the best way to prepare for my day, or to de-stress after a particularly long on.  It's also a great prayer time.  Being out in nature clears my mind and opens my heart, as I connect back to the earth and its Creator. 

I've spent hours walking in all kinds of weather, and sometimes - especially in the last two years - the rain has mixed with my tears.  Last February, I slipped on the ice at 5AM on the country road, and ended up with a concussion. Funny thing about that: I'd just told myself: "That's ice!  Be careful!"  Seems like when it comes to ice, it doesn't matter if you are aware and stepping carefully.  My legs just slipped out from under me, and the next moment, I was laying on my back in the middle of the road, Isabeau whimpering over me.   I've been pretty timid about icy mornings ever since, but in any other conditions, you can be certain that Izzy and I are going to be out exploring (assuming it is a day off).

Izzy is my beloved walking companion.  All I have to say is "Do you want to go for a walk?" and she will jump up out of a sound sleep.  Admittedly, she would prefer that we run, but I will have to work up to that sometime in the future.  In the meantime, we make a pretty good team, as we explore new paths.

Two weeks ago, Austin and Faith joined Izzy and me on one of our regular trails.  The forest path was littered with beautiful, multi-colored leaves, and we just had to stop for pictures:

Austin has a fairly serious expression in this picture.  He had been talking to me about some pretty serious things, and I felt grateful to have a grandson who wanted to share his feelings with me:

Faith filled her arms with bunches of leaves, with a running undercurrent of delighted giggles:  

Izzy always loves to spend time with Austin and Faith, and was docile under Austin's capable leadership:

Aren't these the cutest faces imaginable?  What a treat to spend such a special and beautiful day with my loved ones! 

My New Home

I moved into my new home three weeks ago.  It's been a very busy time, from unpacking and decorating, to taking care of Faith and Austin while Lisa recovered from heart surgery, to getting all the errands done that I do not typically get to do on a busy work week.

As I post the following pictures, I feel great disappointment in the fact that the only camera I have is my IPhone.  As I get better pictures (hopefully with Brandee's help), I will replace these . . .

My "business" office, the first room after entering the front door.  I hope to transact some of my design business here.  There was a lot of light flooding in through the window on this day, and the picture is over-exposed as a result.

 My very fun kitchen.  I first saw this model a year ago, and it was the first home where I could actually imagine myself cooking.  I'm happy to say that I have, indeed, cooked dinner almost every day since I moved in.  It is open, airy, and inviting.

The main family/great room from the front door.

I really like the fact that the living area is so open, and I can easily adjust seating to accommodate Passover dinners, and other group activities.

The living area as it adjoins the office.

The kids' room. I've already made a change: adding the vinyl lettering phrase from their last room: "Fly with the angels, dance with the stars."

 The guest room - anyone want to visit?  It overlooks the park.

 The Master - an incredible bonus to the home, and a real retreat.  I feel very spoiled in it!

Baby Ellie

The newest member of our family was born on October 23.  Her name is Elisabeth, but she will go by "Ellie."

Big brother Hinckley took very naturally to holding his new little sister.  So far, there seems to be little jealousy on his part, and he has looked forward to the new baby joining the family.

I get to visit Hinckley and meet Baby Ellie this coming week for Thanksgiving.  I can't wait!!

Farewell to Aslan

This is a post that I have put off writing.  It's been two weeks, yet I still can hardly believe that Aslan is no longer with me.

Aslan was a purebred Ragdoll cat.  He was the only purebred cat I ever had, and that was only because George had done a lot of research about finding the "perfect" cat to replace my beloved JB, who died on my 50th birthday.  Ragdolls are known to be sweet and docile, and for being great with children.  While Aslan actually turned out to be terrified of children, he really was as sweet as he was beautiful, and had never caused me a moment's problem [other than scratching the sofas, which I truly did not appreciate].

Aslan was pure white when I first got him as a kitten, a little "snowball" who loved to jump up on the bed, and give me kisses in the middle of the night.  Shortly after getting him (September), I knew that Aslan was just aching to have a "little brother," as he would follow me around meowing with a very serious-sounding cry.  I promptly followed his urging, and picked out Gryffyn and brought him home in early November.  The two were best friends from the moment they met, Aslan definitely taking the "big brother" role.  They were born exactly seven months apart, and they died seven months apart, with Gryffyn at age 7, and Aslan, age 8.  They were both much too young to die, and I had hoped for several more years with them.

Aslan loved to be outdoors, and his favorite time of life was when he got to play in our garden in Orem.  We had a routine/ritual where after we went running every morning, we would sit outside (even in the snow), and let "the boys" roam around the garden as we read our scriptures.  As we would arrive back home from our run, we could hear them crying in eagerness for us to open the door and let them do their daily exploring.  They would hide amongst the flowers in spring and summer, and pounce out on unsuspecting birds.  Although this was their favorite activity, neither of them was ever successful in catching their prey, but they had a very good time in the process.  Brett would comb Aslan's long fur, and our neighbor would poke his head out the door and ask if Brett was "shearing the lambs."

Aslan (and Gryffyn) had spent the last several years indoors, as our country estate had too much wildlife on the prowl for a tasty snack, and then I had lived in a room at the LeFevre's for the last four months.  I had really been looking forward to allowing Aslan to explore our new, fenced-in back yard, knowing how many happy hours he would enjoy there.  Besides that, Aslan and Izzy had formed their own friendship, and I felt that they would be able to keep each other company and ease the anxiety over my leaving each day for work.  If only . . .

When I first brought Aslan to our new home, I put him in the laundry room, so that he would be safe while the movers were bringing the furniture in.  When I went to put him in, I thought the room smelled "chemically," but dismissed that thought as coming from my over-sensitive sense of smell.  Not knowing a better option, I opened the window and closed the door.  Aslan cried to get out, just as he had cried to get out of the room at the LeFevre's, but I did not realize how serious it was until I opened the door, and saw that all four of Aslan's feet were running blood, and that he could hardly breathe.  Without wanting to go into all of the details, suffice it to say that Aslan had been burned by something on the floor (perhaps a phosphate cleaner to remove glue), and that his lungs had been burned also.  He suffered greatly during the next 48 hours, as I took him to and from vet appointments, and we tried baths and medicines.  It was truly horrible, especially for a little guy who had never been sick a day in his life.  After $1000 spent in the effort, Aslan and I lost the fight for his life.  It was a terrible blow for beginning the new chapter of life that I had anticipated sharing with Aslan and Izzy. [The building supervisor is horrified by what happened, and no one can find any answers about what might have been used on the floor, etc.  I do not wish to make things even harder by becoming acrimonious or litigious.]

Aslan was a constant source of love and comfort to me, from his first days filling the space left by dear JB, to his last days, purring and snuggling, as I spent many sleepless nights over the last two years.  He truly asked for nothing but companionship, and he had far too little of that since we left Orem.  I am so grateful for the beauty and grace that Aslan offered me on a daily basis.  I will miss him terribly.

Renaissance Fairy Tale

I've always been a fool for dressing up.  Ever since I was a little girl, I've loved to put on costumes and play make believe.  I know I am a little old for it now, but luckily, I still have a few friends who not only indulge me in the activities, but even join along.

This summer's August Renaissance Faire had a Fairy theme, and I thought Isabeau might look like an adorable fairy.  I was right - and she honestly didn't seem to mind wearing her wings.  Everywhere we went, I got the usual every-day question: "What kind of dog is that!?"  This time, I was able to give a unique answer: "Fairy, of course."

Brandee, Anthony, Katie and Larisa were my willing time-travelling companions, as we journeyed back to the days of Jolly Old England.   Larisa brought daughter, Lizzy, who was a champ on the very hot summer day.

Anthony enjoyed the excuse to hurl some axes, and combined with his fireman-training, he, of course, hit a bulls eye (where's your costume, Anthony?).

Brandee and Anthony have been my constant source of warmth, friendship, support and fun for the last two years.  I don't know where I would be without them!

Katie is extremely creative, and definitely looked the part of the fairy-elf.   Ahh, youth and beauty!

The gypsy horse show is always astounding, and my favorite Ren Faire event.  Unfortunately, my cell phone camera cannot do it justice.

I enjoyed every moment of the day, and am so grateful for my young friends for not only indulging me, but helping to make the day a perfect memory of laughter, magic and fun.

Stamp of Approval

On a bright August day, Austin and Faith got to check out my new house for the first time.  It was still in the building process, but they were able to walk through each room, and identify the one they wanted for their own . . . the one overlooking the park.

I had been worried about what their reaction might be, as they had really loved the Carnation house, with it's 11 acres, salmon stream, and the ATV.  It was hard to imagine that anything could live up to that . . . but Austin and Faith gave my new house a resounding stamp of approval, particularly after they explored the park that is right across the street.

 

Choosing my particular lot had been an agonizing decision, but the park and its appeal for the kids had been a big part of the process.  I'm on a lane that adjoins the park, which has two levels of playground equipment, a sand volleyball court, a basketball and tennis court, and a dog park.  I'm looking forward to the fact that the community 4th of July fireworks are held at the park, although I am sure that Isabeau will not appreciate that aspect of our new location.

Austin and Faith eagerly began to explore the various options for play.   They wanted to check out each and every square inch.  It was so fun to hear Austin say: "Grandma, I think that when I am a teenager, I might like to bring my friends here to play tennis . . . and I guess we could also play basketball on the same day, if we wanted to."  We talked about the fact that while I am in cooking dinner, they can be directly across the street, playing and enjoying themselves, and they also took Izzy on several long running sprints across the green.

At the end of our inspections, Austin pronounced: "I think this is going to be a very good choice for everyone."  "How so?" I asked him.  "Well, Izzy will have a backyard all to herself, Faith and I will have lots of choices of things to do, and you will be happy because you can have a sunny garden."  All so very true, and so very hopeful, as I look to the future that Austin described.

Strong Moments

It's been nearly five weeks since we (Izzy, Aslan and I) moved out of our Carnation home.  Each day seems to bring more strength and healing, as I have left behind that monument to broken dreams.  Being at the LeFevre refuge, as featured below, has really provided the space for breathing, feeling and making new goals.

I had made a plan that the moment I "landed" at the LeFevre's, I was going to concentrate some real effort on my physical, mental and spiritual health.  The duties required by my 11-acre, for-sale home just didn't give me any opportunity to do that when combined with my work schedule.  But now, I am happy to say, I am incorporating some healthy adjustments that have already made a difference in how I am feeling.

I have found my way back to yoga, which has long been a powerful influence in my life, and I am loving it.  I had spent some time trying to find the right studio, and once found, trying to find a class that would work with my schedule.  I learned a long time ago that there is a big difference between yoga studios and yoga philosophies, and I had been spoiled by learning from one of the best, Robin Rothenberg, of the Yoga Barn. Unfortunately, Robin closed her doors this last year, and I had to sift through all of the "Hot Yoga" and the modernized, American version that is taught at most of the local gyms.  I love the "real" yoga philosophy that is so healing to mind, body and spirit, where the teacher invites you to practice with intention and often uses guided imagery to keep your thoughts from running here and there.  Not to mention the fact that they actually know human physiology and what is most effective for healing and strengthening the body.

I discovered that some of the teachers from the Yoga Barn had made their way over to the Village Green Yoga studio in Issaquah, and I did a little investigation to see what the philosophy of the studio was.  I was delighted after attending my first "Nia" class - a form of yoga I had never experienced before.  It incorporates yoga, Tai Chi, and dance, and is very flowing and mindful.  So good for my wounded heart, as well as my sore and painful body!  Stephanie, the teacher, invited her class to do a little "Nia" in the garden of her five-acre home, and it was exquisitely beautiful in every way.  The lyrics to the songs she played spoke of praising God, welcoming His love into our hearts, and greeting Nature with gratitude and love.  Our bodies wove and danced in sequences that were completely in harmony with the words of the songs, and I felt transported to a place called Hope and Life.  Tears ran down my face as I prayed out loud all the way back to the office, gratitude running over as thanked God for leading me to that place.

The time away from the grief and mourning I experienced in the Carnation home has also allowed me to really see how the Lord has been constantly with me.  While I had felt punished and cast off, I've come to realize that the Lord really has answered every one of my prayers, including having the opportunity to speak to Brett again and tell him all the things that I had wanted to tell him when he left.  The Lord, of course, could not control Brett's choices, but there is no question now in my mind that He allowed me to have that experience that I had prayed for, even though it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.

Finding the yoga studio and Stephanie, my teacher, is another example of God's help and direction in my life.  Some months ago, I had a very significant dream that re-directed me to yoga.  Before going to sleep, I had cried out to God that I just "wanted to be held," and I had fallen asleep with tears drenching my pillow.  In the dream, I found that I was being held by "someone" - I don't know who - but that I had a feeling that I wanted to take a walk away from that person, and explore my surroundings a little.

As I began to walk, I began to wake up to the beauty of the nature around me.  I heard the birds singing, and I noticed the leaves on the trees, and the way the sunlight created so many different patterns and colors.  In the dream, I began to stretch and do some of the yoga movements that I have been taught in the past, unlocking my stiff shoulders and painful neck.  These movements seemed to become one with my awareness of the beauty around me, as I walked through the lush wooded area. My movements began to become more free, as I really reached out to the beauty around me, and I suddenly realized that with some of the movements, reaching out towards the leaves, I was lifting off of the ground!  I started giggling, and looked down at my body, and said out loud: "What is this!?"  I then heard the Lord laughing back at me, and the words He said were: "You are my Yoga Gypsy!"  (I hesitate writing this because it is so personal, but my real intent with this blog is to create a journal book for myself, eventually, and sometimes I wish that other people were not reading, so that I could be completely open without fear of judgement or misunderstanding.)

Brett had called me his Gypsy because of my love of wearing colorful skirts and running barefoot out in the fields.  My love for nature, animals, music and large earrings also added to the picture.  I had felt forlorn after Brett left, because I didn't think anyone else saw me this way, and therefore, I would not be "allowed" to let this part of my personality shine.  But, the dream told me otherwise.  I've come to realize that Brett didn't "make" me a Gypsy, or a teacher, or a "girl," or anything else.  What Brett did is recognize those qualities in me and praise me for them.  He allowed me the opportunity to be myself, and now, I want to see myself as I am,and embrace those characteristics.  I feel that the dream was telling me that God saw me for who I am, but He had also given me a direction to healing . . . yoga.  So, last week when I was praying about the fact that my body was in pain, and I needed help, a little voice inside of me said: "I've already told you what to do about that," . . . and off to yoga I went.

Another important health tool I've brought into my life is a circle of friends, women I admire and respect.  I invited some of them to share my journey with me, not sure of whether they would do so only for my sake, or if they, too, might be in search of some of the same things I am.  I had been introduced to the "StrengthsFinder" through work, and had been very impressed by the principles taught by Marcus Buckingham, a pioneer in using strengths as the basis for our lives, rather than focusing too heavily on all that we need to improve.  I had picked up a book and book-on-CD written by Marcus called "Find Your Strongest Life," and asked my friends if they would like to join me in exploring our strengths and building a stronger life.  There were various reactions, largely based on not knowing what this might really be about.  As our first meeting began, many of us were still having a hard time identifying the "strong moments" as Marcus calls them, in our individual lives.  I don't think as women we are even trained to think in those terms!  We are always thinking about how we can strengthen others.  But, as the meeting went on, women started helping each other to identify their strengths, and smiles started to burst through all of the seriousness.  Someone who said she didn't have any strengths, went home with a notepad full of them, and felt more enthusiastic and optimistic about discovering even more.  There was such a feeling of camaraderie and love in the group, that everyone decided that they wanted to continue this particular conversation and book in our next meeting.  We realized that we have only just begun to understand what it might be like to build "strong moments" into our daily lives, and not being very practiced at it, we know we would like more time to work with the concept and support one another in the endeavor.

I had begun this particular post with the intention of writing about our new home (I say "our" because of Izzy and Aslan).  I hadn't been able to allow myself to think too much about the house until recently.  I just didn't like the idea of living by myself and spending all of that money!  I was gently led in the direction of the particular home I purchased (perhaps more on that another time, as this post is so long).  My purchase of the home in Redmond Ridge is another example of God looking out for me, although I think on this particular subject, I gave some resistance.  I simply didn't think I "deserved" it, and I am rather concerned about payments and working when I am 70 . . . ah, well, I am learning to trust a little more as I walk forward into the unknown.  It is easier to trust, in that miracles have transpired to make it all possible for me.

"We" are moving into a home in Redmond Ridge, directly across the street from a park.  There is playground equipment for little ones, a tennis court and basketball court for their growing years, and a large enough public barbecue to be able to cook for an army, if they should choose to visit.  It all seems MUCH too nice for me, but as long as I think it may be for "us" - including all the grandkids - I can be a little more comfortable with it.  The home will be finished around October 24, and I am greatly anticipating the move-in, having suddenly become interested in decorating it over the last two weeks.

This is what it looked like the day I purchased it.  The houses in the back are by the same builder, but are not the same format as mine.  I am purchasing a "courtyard home" which is built nearly up to the street (not more than 3' of front yard, and has only a side yard or courtyard, with an alley behind the house.  Low upkeep for me, yet still a single-family home (not a condo).  I am hoping that Izzy will adjust to that courtyard and not do the usual barking she does whenever I leave her.  This is a miracle that is absolutely necessary to my happiness, as I really don't want life without Izzy, but also cannot afford to keep paying for day-care for her.  Neighbors putting up with the barking is not an option.

This is the park across the street.  Something for everyone, and someone else does the mowing!

The picture at the top of this post is of Izzy and me on our new front porch, taken two days ago (I'm wearing the skirt I was wearing in my "Yoga Gypsy" dream).  The house is coming along, and I am starting to really get excited!  I've decided that I am going to "do away" with my old Pre-Raphaelite paintings, although I have loved them for so long.  I realized shortly after Brett left that all of those pictures are of helpless women, who are mostly just about to die (Lady of Shallot, Juliet, LaBelle Dame Sans Merci, etc.).  I've decided that I want the image of strong and happy women to surround me, and I've chosen art that I've never even considered before, like the Degas "Dancing Girls" that follows (and by the way, they look like "Nia Yoga Gypsies!").  I want that image to be my new inspiration; strong moments, full of light, movement and joy.