Virginia Paradise

I've been wanting to do this post for quite a while now, but have not had the time to do it justice. I've been working all hours, between my job as an administrative assistant at Edward Jones, and my work in interior design. I started working Monday-Thursday at Jones so that I could have Fridays and Saturdays for design, but it has ended up being very difficult to squeeze all that is needed for my design clients into those two days. There are some changes that are about to occur to remedy that, but I will address that in another post.

I had the opportunity to go to Virginia the first week of May to work on a house that clients are building there on 350 acres. I decorated two other homes for the family while they lived in Redmond, and I was deeply honored that they asked me to assist them in designing their "Legacy" home in Virginia. We've been doing much of the work long distance, sending samples via email, and having long phone calls at 6AM or 9PM. It was wonderful to get to see the place in person, and especially great to be able to see the family and get to know the children again.

Most of my time was spent completely focused on the house; I specifically had to measure more than 150 windows! I got up at 3AM PST every day and worked more than 12 hours a day just trying to make sure that I accomplished all of our goals before I had to leave again. But, when I first arrived, and again, just before I left, I took a couple of hours to be with the children and explore this magical paradise.

In the following picture, I am with Rachel and Sarah, feeding one of the two calves they have chosen out of their herd of 250+ to train to work as "oxen." This was my first time ever bottle feeding a calf, and I was really impressed by how hard they pull at the bottle! This little guy, "Blue," ended up with milk all over his face, as he fought for control - I lost!

This is the delightful family. They have six children, two of which are absent in this picture. We had gone for a ramble along their private river, and I just had to grab the opportunity to capture the magic of the family and of the setting. All pics are taken with my old iphone, which had terrible issues, so the pictures are not what they could or should be. It was a delight to be with such a loving family, and they helped to restore hope that people really can live fully committed to one another, and with genuine love for each other.

The children are extremely involved in the farm work, and very responsible. Here, Rachel and Christopher have used the ATV to wrangle some cattle that got loose. They were exhausted by their efforts of getting the cows back in place, and then repairing the fencing. Even the youngest children drive the tractors and ATVs like pros.

On my last day at the farm, I asked the children if they would each show me their special place on the property. With 350 acres, there are a lot of places to choose from! Rebecca took me to the 200 year-old schoolhouse on the property, where the family holds their homeschool. Matthew took me to the river and the small waterfall area where the kids love to swim in the summer months. Rachel and Jacob, below, took me to "Hogwarts," a place of magical fairies, and fields of bluebells:

Sarah came to join Rachel, Jacob, and me for a picture at "Hogwarts":

Ben and oldest son, Matthew, at the river. The family loves to canoe or tube down their own private idyll:

The main method for getting around on all of this property is by ATV. Below, Rebecca and Jacob join their mother, Julie for a picture (ugh! my camera was awful!):

Julie and youngest son, Jacob, in the cattle field. The views are breathtaking in every direction:

The new house. Exquisite! Legacy quality throughout:

I had chosen fabrics in Seattle at the Design Center, and took them with me in a suitcase to share with the family. I had the opportunity to meet with each child and go over the selections. Lucky for me, everyone loved what I had chosen (but I had done a lot of homework to know their likes and dislikes). Below, I am with oldest daughter, Rebecca, showing her everything for the first time (her walls were not painted yet):

Christopher holds up the fabric selections for "the Boys' Room" for himself and brother Jacob. Much less excitement from the boys than I had from the girls . . . typical, I suppose:

Rachel and Sarah were very happy about their fabric choices and design plan; good thing, since I had sent the wall colors and the walls were already painted to compliment the fabric choices:

All in all, I entered 43 pages of detailed notes for window design, confirmed paint colors, stone selections, chose area rugs, went to furniture stores and measured, measured, measured. It all went by in a blur, but I enjoyed every moment, and can't wait to go back for the installation, and see it all completed. I love this family, and feel so fortunate that they have trusted me to share this enterprise with them!

DeAnna Murphy and Strengths Strategy, Inc.

I get tongue-tied (or finger-cramped) as I think about writing this post. My visit with DeAnna Murphy of Strengths Strategy Inc. has been a long time coming, and carries a lot of promise with it. It's not overly dramatic to say that DeAnna has changed my life.

I've been interested in the Strengths paradigm for more than a year. My employer, Karri Bruntz, introduced the concept to a group of Edward Jones financial advisors a year ago last February, and I helped gather all of the materials and set up the seminar for the project. We had an outside speaker come from the Marcus Buckingham group, and I was captivated! As soon as she began her presentation, I thought "THAT'S what I want to do!"

The Strengths idea was introduced by Tom Rath in his book StrengthsFinder 2.0. The Strengths test is administered through the Gallup organization (as in Gallup Poll), and is a series of questions that quickly identifies an individual's 34 strengths in order of their dominance. While some people I have known have been surprised by what is listed as their top strengths, I have yet to see a person who has taken the test who ultimately decided that the results were incorrect.

My top strengths are Connectedness (a feeling that nothing is coincidental, that we are all "related," that I am connected to God, others, nature, animals, etc., and that my primary motivation in life is for connection), Individualization (delighting in the uniqueness of each individual, not "categorizing" people into groups "men are. . .", seeing the individual strengths in others, being able to put teams together based upon what I see and understand as the unique qualities of others), Strategic (the ability to see things from a 30,000 foot perspective, and see the various methods by which to reach a goal and weigh them out carefully), Learner (the desire for constant learning and growth), Intellection (The need for focused mental activity; for example, trying to solve a problem or develop an idea or understand another person’s feelings), Achiever (self-explanatory), Responsibility (ditto).

Understanding an individual's strengths helps us "get" what motivates them and makes them tick, and it also takes the personal pinch out of disagreements. We are all different, and understanding someone else's strengths helps us to appreciate why we may have times we don't see eye to eye. The point is, we need all of the various strengths to be truly effective as families or businesses.

DeAnna Murphy is one of twelve internationally-approved Strengths coaches by the Gallup organization. DeAnna, who is LDS, started Strengths Strategy, Inc. to introduce a more approachable way by which to understand and use the strengths in our lives and in our relationships. DeAnna coaches all over the world, including Syria, Dubai, and Africa.

My friend, Mary Babcock, "introduced" DeAnna and I via email when she read my blog post about starting a Strengths Group here in Redmond. Mary and DeAnna had served together in the Church in North Dakota, and Mary felt we would be great friends. She was right! Although I "met" DeAnna almost a year ago via email and phone conversations, it took a year to arrange to meet her in person. I used DeAnna's materials in a follow-up seminar this year on the Strengths for the same group of financial advisors who had taken the seminar last year. It was a wonderful opportunity for me to teach again, and I felt I stepped back into "myself" for the first time in quite a few years. We held the seminar in February, and I asked at that time for a group who might be interested in taking DeAnna's personalized training if I could arrange it (it is fairly pricey).

It was a lot of work, but I managed to commit about 38 people to take DeAnna's "Discovery" class. The more I worked with DeAnna and the whole Strengths paradigm, the more eager I became to be a part of the movement. I was very upfront with DeAnna that I wanted to work with her organization in some way, and eventually travel the world as a Strengths coach. Considering that all of the people who work for her are degreed in Psychology, my wishes have been bold, to say the least. In just a few conversations with DeAnna, I realized that her work was nothing short of a "mission" - something I've been craving. In essence, she is teaching gospel-centered truths, and in an environment where they are sorely needed. This training strengthens an individual's view of themselves, as well as their relationships with others - and all is based on hard-core, measurable data.

Although DeAnna usually stays in hotels when she goes to coach, I asked her to stay with me during her week in Seattle, and she consented. What a blessing that was to me! We stayed up very late every evening sharing dreams and insights, and the more we talked, the more connected we became. I've put everything I've got "on the line" to hook up with DeAnna and her group, and have expressed how deep my desire is to be a part of her organization. DeAnna has been warm and encouraging, and we have presented a plan to Edward Jones for them to pay for my certification as a coach through DeAnna's organization, but pay that back by my volunteering 100 hours of coaching to Edward Jones branch teams. The offer is being mulled over by the executives at the Home Office in St. Louis, and the verdict is yet to come. While I hope and pray that this may truly come to pass, I feel cautious about pinning my expectations and hopes too deeply on the outcome.

I don't know how things are going to turn out, but a door of possibility has been opened in my mind. I am fortunate in that DeAnna will continue to personally coach me on my path, and I pray that it will become clear to both of us how I can be involved in her organization, and hopefully, on a world-wide scale. I haven't voiced my dream for many years of "helping to bring peace to the Mid East," but meeting DeAnna and knowing that her organization is there, helps to bring that long-held dream back to the surface. Who knows what may come?

Something that meeting DeAnna has done is to help start me dreaming again. I'm making a commitment to get back to writing my books, and to believe that almost anything is possible.

Out of the Darkness

I took this picture with my iphone camera; because of that, it's not the best quality, but it nevertheless captures a very special place where I go to ponder while Isabeau tirelessly chases after ducks. It's located at the end of our forest trail, and is rather symbolic for me as I take in its wide-open beauty after leaving the overhanging branches of the densely-packed forest.

This week I spent a few peaceful hours coming to some clarity in these beautiful surroundings, as I left behind three-or-more years of troubled fears and dark thoughts.

Last week was the anniversary of both my sealing (4/11) and my divorce (4/12). Without remembering the date, Brett contacted me on the 12th to see if I might like to "talk." His offer was very welcome to me, as I have had many unanswered questions surrounding Brett's leaving and the breakup of our marriage. So, on the anniversary of our divorce, Brett and I shared a dinner, and I learned his reasons for his actions; actions that resulted in tremendous sorrow and grief for me.

By the end of our few days of discussion, I needed a long walk, and an hour or so sitting beside the pond to think things through. Although I had learned things from Brett that distressed and hurt me, finally coming to know the truth about who he was and who he has become provided a great sense of freedom for me. I had previously felt such a sense of mission and responsibility to do whatever was within my power to rescue Brett, and remind him of the sacred nature of the covenants he had made with God, that I had not allowed myself to enjoy or embrace the blessings that had come into my own life. How could I enjoy my beautiful home, for example, when Brett was homeless?

I often thought about Lot's wife, who most certainly had turned back to see what was happening to her remaining children, or Noah's wife, who, while cognizant of the fact that God had saved her, was also very aware of those outside of the ark (including family members) who were suffering despair and destruction. I really am that kind of person! When I feel warm in my bed, I think of those who are sleeping in the streets, without blanket or shelter. It is difficult for me to "have" when others have not; and when it came to thinking of this in relationship to Brett, it was particularly difficult for me.

Brett, for his part, has been declaring that he is "happier than ever," despite his setbacks. He is angry at God, and has "found peace" outside of the teachings of the Church. His life is full of new friends, new experiences, and new ideals.

As I walked through the forest, I found a new lightness in my heart that seemed surprising in light of the conversations that Brett and I had had. It took me a moment to identify the reason for that lightness, and then I discovered that . . . I felt free.

I know that I have truly and honestly done all that I can possibly do, have said all that could possibly be said, and that Brett does not want to know or hear any of it. Brett has freely made his choices time and again, and I have finally come to see and know that he makes those choices with deliberation. His choices have impacted me, have hurt me, and have set certain things in motion that I will live with for the rest of my life. In gratitude for what we have shared together that was sacred, in obedience to what I have considered my covenant, and out of love for the man who once brought such joy to my life, I have been unable to let go of any sense of responsibility - both for how I may have contributed to the current state of things, and also for the possibility of helping and saving Brett . . . until now.

I am so grateful for the tender mercies that the Lord has showered upon me, including this process of learning. I understand that I could not have rushed things along; I needed every moment and every encounter and every prayer to reach this point. I needed to see time and again that Brett was not experiencing some sort of temporary insanity, and was not behaving out of some sense of desperate "giving up," but that he was making choices for a life that he truly wants. I needed to know that I had tried everything, and given every chance. I now know that I have.

I think of hours spent lying on the green grassy meadow of our "valley" home, watching the eagles and hawks circle overhead, and pouring out prayers of longing and prayers of gratitude to the Lord. My tears watered the earth as I mowed my last night at the house, and blessed and thanked the land for its generous bounty, not only in its obvious verdant growth, but also in the solace it had given me through the long and lonely days. I had learned how to be a "pioneer woman" of strength, taking care of my own land and standing up to the frightful dark hours with coyotes howling in the night. This was an essential lesson for me.

I've learned that forgiveness is a gift from God, and one of the most precious gifts that He can bestow upon us as His children. I have felt nothing but forgiveness for Brett throughout this whole ordeal, and have thanked God for it. I've learned more deeply how extremely precious temple covenants are, and how eternally essential marriage is. I've learned how to completely surrender all expectations of what I have thought my life should be, and to give all of it up to God. I have learned how to wait, patiently, and how to not run away from pain and suffering. I have even learned that there is beauty in suffering, as my heart has turned to the Savior, and contemplated His suffering borne for us out of love.

I have tried to do these things gracefully, without rancor or bitterness. I think I have largely succeeded in this hope, but I give all credit to the grace of the Atonement of Christ in being able to do so. I have been aware of God every moment and have known that He has gently held me throughout this ordeal. While I may have wished he would save me from the pain, or restore the marriage that had been lost, I have felt His love for me, and have grown to know much better what it means to be a daughter of God.

And, so, there is a new hope, and a new lightness that I thought might never come. It did not come for my searching for it, or for my feeling that somehow I "deserved it." It came in a natural, God-given way, such as what I picture happens to those to whom the Lord says "Well done thou good and faithful servant." That kind of declaration doesn't come when we demand it, or even when we feel we most deserve it. It comes at the right time, at the completion of the mission for which the Lord has called us. For me, it came at the moment I fully realized that I have done all that I can do.

As the new leaves begin to unfurl themselves in the sheltered forest corridors, even as the tiniest fingers of sunlight finally find their hidden corners, so the light of God's hope is reaching into the corners of my heart. . . . And on a bright, sunny day, as pictured here, my heart opened fully as does the heart of a flower. Like the flower, I am tender, and bruise easily, but like the flower, I hope to bring beauty to my surroundings, and to remind others of God's grace.

Easter Joys

Easter weekend was filled with sunlight and action. Laurie and Andy Bailey, together with their sons Asher and Rowan, drove up from Portland to spend the weekend with me. I gave a talk in church on Easter Sunday, and the Baileys, together with the Leafty family, came to support me in that endeavor. I felt greatly blessed by that support, as I raised my voice in testimony of the Savior, and my gratitude for his Atonement. I cannot think of any occasion on which I would rather bear my testimony, as Easter has long been my favorite holy-day. My love for the Passover which precedes it has only deepened my appreciation for all that Easter Sunday means.

The weekend started with a egg hunt on Saturday at Lisa and Jeff''s home. Lisa was doing her usual camera-shy routine, which I cannot begin to understand, and causes me sadness that I do not have pictures of her beautiful face to post here as a memory.

The children eagerly awaited the signal to begin the hunt, and all raced off to fill their baskets with candy-filled - or best yet - money-filled eggs. Jeff''s children, Alice and Toby, had already expressed their plan of attack: if they were to pool their money together, they would all be able to buy more legos to share together in one of their favorite activities. Faith and Austin scan for eggs below:

Although the adults shivered in the early-morning cold, Alice did not seem to notice, as she anticipated a sunny day at the lake-park, and romped about in her shorts and T-shirt:

Laurie assists Rowan and Asher as Andy films all:

Later, Laurie stopped to give Andy a private photo session. How good it is to see the love that shines between them!

Faith entertained Izzy and me with her wild rides on a family-owned motorcycle. Toby's helmet tells a story in and of itself:

Alice and Faith, new "sisters" are also very close friends. Austin and Toby also love playing together, and unfortunately, I missed taking pictures of them fighting "Star Wars" style; perhaps they were just too much of a blur for my iphone camera.

I enjoyed watching Alice perform her gymnastics, and there is no question that for me, the highlight was sitting out in the yard and playing with all of the children.

Isabeau experienced "bubbles" for the first time, and was convinced that all of the blowing was being done for her benefit alone. She eagerly joined the children in chasing and popping bubbles, and it was hard to discern her behavior as different from any other 3 year-old's.

After the egg hunt, delicious brunch and yard play, we all went to the nearby Luther Burbank Park, which is on Lake Washington.  The lake glistened in the beautifully sunlit day, and the children played happily on the playground equipment, and later, at the beach.  Izzy and Lisa's Sitka romped together at the dog park, and wandered happily in the waves that rolled along the shore. I think it was the first time Izzy had a "wave opportunity," and she took to it with delight. I stood for a long as I dared on the bluff at the point, looking out across the lake to Seattle. It was breathtakingly beautiful.  But, Austin and Toby, who had led me there, were tired, and eager to return to the group. As I walked along with these sweet boys at my side, I felt to count my blessings, and tried to engrave the details upon my memory, to be called up again and again for future delight and warmth.

Signs of Spring

In many ways, it has been a two-and-a-half year winter for me. While I have always loved the first blush of spring, and looked forward to digging in the earth and searching for signs of life, the winter of my life has prevented me from seeing sunshine and flowers for quite some time.

I am trying to embrace the new life that moving into my new home seems to offer me. I often struggle with it all, and feel undeserving of my beautiful home, or concern over spending so much on a single person (and a beloved dog, as shared in a previous post). Brett's casting off of what he considers materialism and the "Eastside life style" causes me deep questions regarding my current situation (Brett has joined the Peace Corps, and leaves for Africa in September. This has been a life-long dream of mine since it was first suggested to me as a result of a test I took in high school). On a deeper level, his casting off of me makes me wonder what I may deserve. 

I have told the Lord often that I am quite willing to sell all and leave all, should I feel that that is His desire for me. I long to serve a mission, and leave all material trappings behind, but my logic tells me that it is not the time to do so, when I know that I would return at the age of 61 or so and be looking for a job. My feelings of logic and responsibility war with the temptation to leave all and wander the world as a volunteer. While it may seem of great merit and responsibility to volunteer throughout the world, there is the logical realization that someone eventually would have to pay for my keep as age catches up and the body can no longer keep up with the heart. I feel responsible to do all within my power, now, to prevent that need from arising. While I would love to look to a husband to share this with, the fact is true now that I must care for my own needs.

My waffling uncertainty is evident in my approach to my home. The week after the last snow (March 22), I gave in to my yearning for new life, and went to Home Depot to buy some flowers to plant in pots Brett and I bought together in much-happier times. The fact that those pots represented such happiness gave me pause in being able to carry out my mission. While I planted the beautiful new flowers, I could not keep back memories of Brett and I laughing together and earnestly watching over each flower and herb under our care. We spent many hours joyfully choosing, planting, pruning and watering our beloved gardens. . . . This was the first time that I would plant and watch alone. Not that I didn't spend many years caring for gardens by myself, but Brett had brought that era to an end. I couldn't help but brush away stray tears of memory as I planted on this new Spring morning, wistfully remembering, and yet still hoping for new life to take hold within my heart.

The flowers have grown beautifully since planting them just two weeks ago. Isabeau keeps careful watch for birds who now come to visit our birdhouse. She takes her job very seriously, and is afraid that if she were to come inside, the birds would surely come - and she cannot take the chance. I have to carry her into the house when it is time to go to bed.

I, like Isabeau, watch, but I do not watch for birds. I watch for signs of spring, of new life and new hope and new purpose and new mission. It feels as if I have been watching for a long time, and have seen only winter's bleakness . . . And yet - and yet! - I am planting flowers, and preparing the ground of my heart to receive spring's warming sun. The uncertainty still prevails: I may have planted spring pots, but I have not been able to bring myself to purchase patio furniture in order to sit and enjoy those flowers; that seems too permanent, too much of a commitment that would inevitably bring with it the possibility of new loss. I am a tender plant, putting forth tiny tendrils, and yearning for reassurance that all will be well, and that summer will come at last.

Snow Day

We've had a pretty snow-free winter, and just when we thought Spring had grasped the earth with her long tendrils, Winter made sure that we understood that she wasn't quite finished yet.

On March 22 (Brett's 30th birthday), we got a surprise downfall of about 6-8" at the top of Redmond Ridge. The picture above is of the park in front of the house.

Izzy welcomed the snow with a full heart, and romped joyfully in it . . .

. . . she showed no particular desire to "come in from the cold" and "chilled out" in the backyard until the snow was gone.

Izzy did show some consternation over the ice balls that formed between her toes, and was frustrated as they slowed her down later as she ran across my wood floors.

Brett joined us for a birthday walk in the forest to see how the snow had impacted it. The trees offered a shelter at the beginning of our walk, taken here, but soon gave in to the downfall. Winter had made her last stand for the season, and reminded us of her white glory.

She's a Keeper

It seems so hard to capture those candid moments with children (or adults), when they are just being themselves. You want to keep that memory forever. Lisa sent me these two pictures of Faith, taken at just such perfect moments. Above, at a consignment shop, where Faith decided to try on everything that caught her fancy. Below, Faith looking thoughtful and mischievous at the same time, caught up in the arms of a tree.

Forest Ambles

I was delighted to discover a beautiful forest trail not far from my crowded neighborhood. The trail beckons to Izzy and me each day, and now that the light is lasting longer, we both rush home with the anticipation of getting out to discover what new mysteries the trail has to offer for the day.

We've discovered fairy bridges covered in moss and surrounded by green-leafed ferns. We've tried waiting silently so that the fairies feel safe enough to come out for a ramble, but Izzy invariably gives up just as I imagine I hear little fairy bells sounding through air.

We've noticed sleeping giants and watched them as they have awakened, and stretched their arms out to the sky . . .

. . . And we have discovered naughty woodpeckers busily at work bringing down the forest.

It is alarming to see the amount of damage that these sharp-beaked creatures can accomplish in very little time . . .

. . . Just recently, we discovered a downed tree in the middle of the trail, and the culprit felt no shame in his work, even as Isabeau sharply accused him of fault.

"After all," he seemed to reply, "this particular trail is named after me, and I accept the invitation hungrily, and without remorse."

. . . and he flew to his next target without a backward glance, and began his awful work.

Sometimes the downed trees take on a particular beauty, as the forest quickly covers them with funeral leaves of ivy.

No matter what the season, or time of day, we can always be assured that there will be something magical waiting for us along the forest trail. (all pics with my iphone; I returned the camera I bought at Christmas, and am still looking for the perfect fit.)